The question.....

I had someone ask me not to long ago "How do you balance your life?" I never thought I would be the one someone else would ask this of. To be honest I just do the best I can. I am a flawed person there have been points in my life that people could point to and say "What were you thinking" there are points I think back on and think that same thing. I don't think you can ever balance your life to the point everyone is happy. All you can do is your best. My best consists of being the best mother and wife I can be, it's knowing that I work to live not live to work, and being ever mindful that the Lord is in control. I don't think what this person sees in me is balance I think what they see is me struggling to let the Lord be the navigator of my life. I know this probably sounds crazy and I am not trying to push my personal belief on anyone but the truth is I try to be the best person I can, and everyday I fall short. I believe in God I am raising my children to believe in God. I know plenty of people who see this as a crutch as a hindrance on the amount of fun I can have and when they hear it decide that I am a hypocrite. I am OK with that. The truth is think what ever you want but let me tell you I know where I've come from and there is no reason other than God's grace that I have anything good in my life.

So in short I don't balance my life in fact I do the opposite I have handed my life over to someone else who can. And let me be the first to tell you the path he has put me on is nothing short of a miracle.

Update

So lets see..... I have still not been released to go back to work, but they did release me to drive so there is one plus. They finally took out the second drain in my belly 2 weeks ago. I am still in pain but the painkillers help and I am taking them less and less. My kids are so use to me not being able to do certain things that they don't even ask anymore, sad really, but at least I don't feel guilty....right?

Anywho on to more entertaining things...... We have a pair of red shouldered hawks who have made their home in the big trees in our front yard. They are beautiful and after reading up on them it appears that they mate for life so it will be nice watching them grow and build their family. Patience received her 3rd qt. report card and was thrilled, once again, to show off all her A's. I am not looking forward to the first time she doesn't get all A's not to say she ever will but if she does it's gonna be ugly. Lilia is turning into a little girly girl she has been wearing dresses and skirts and running around the house in a gold headband with a flower on one side for weeks she even insists on wearing it to bed. Linden is just getting bigger and bigger and he is just talking and talking. His favorite thing to do lately is pretend he is daddy and he runs around the house with a hammer fixing everything. My hubby is working his butt off in the yard trying to get it ready so we can paint the house. He also brought home a corn snake not to long ago and nursed him back to health he is affectionately known as MATTLOCK, the snake not my hubby. LOL! MATTLOCK recently got out of his cage and we had finally come to terms with his disappearance when my kids came running into the house from our sun room screaming turns out he got out of his cage and slithered his way into the bin of toys and while Lilia was digging around in there she found him. So I scooped him up ad placed him back in his cage. Which now has a new lid and like 30 clips holding it on. MATTLOCK is great he has no fangs is non poisonous and loves to be picked up. I can't believe how much he has grown on me.

As for me I am doing all right. It has been crazy for me since my surgery.... it is amazing how quickly things can change in your life. How when you think of all the things that could happen and go wrong all it makes you want to do is pull those closest to you closer and not let go. To think that if my gallbladder had ruptured or if the surgen hadn't had his partner in the other room when my surgery went wrong that I might not be here.... is crazy. It was my gallbladder not my heart or a stroke it was a simple surgery that people have everyday and go home. And I have a 10 inch scar to look at everyday that reminds me about the gift I have. It makes me feel like a drama queen when people don't really know anymore than I had my gallbladder removed and it was an open surgery due to complications. I know I should just let it go and move on but right now that is what is fresh in my mind I don't ever want to leave my kids without a mother or my husband without his wife or my family without their daughter, or sister. To think I was a walking time bomb is scary to me. To think that I was so busy taking care of everyone else that I forgot about me is just silly who is going to take care of them if I'm not here? So my scar is my reminder to enjoy the park with my kids, to laugh with my husband, to appreciate my parents, and to live everyday knowing that I am putting my best foot forward and really living not just going thru the motions.