So today is the 2ND day of New Lifestyle 2012. And let me just say the longing for a piece of Linden's grilled cheese as I was standing at the stove flipping it in the pan was disgusting. All I wanted to do was have a bite. But it would not have stopped there then it would have turned in to my own and then a couple of chips to go with it and the next thing you know I would have been pointing that mini van to Dairy Queen after getting the girls from school cause " why not" I already ruined my eating today might as well get it all in and start again tomorrow.
Food has somehow become my biggest down fall in the last couple of years. I like food, more precisely I like junk food. McD's fries, Pizza, Wings, Chips, Chocolate, Cheesecake, Pasta, and Gummy Bears. I never really thought to much of it before but I noticed that yes I bought fruit, veggies and yogurt and yes it all got eaten but I wasn't eating it. The kids where eating it not that that isn't great but I would find myself in the kitchen getting dinner and skipping right over the veggie and getting macaroni and cheese and chicken. Good example, huh. Thats when it occurred to me, every time I go for a bike ride or a walk I reward myself with junk.
Just worked out for an hour, stop at Starbucks on the way home for a Frappacino. But that isn't the worst part it's for everything go grocery shopping get fries (damn wal-mart and their McD's). Bad day Chocolate Bar it is. Ate breakfast I can have some chips. Like what the crap am I thinking. I realize I have a food problem.
Not just a little problem but a big one. Food is my addiction. It's not like drugs, alcohol, or nicotine its worse. It is everywhere and I can eat almost everywhere I go. This is not good. So today as I put Linden's grilled cheese on his plate I reminded myself that if I don't stop food is going to kill me. Sure it might be called heart disease or cancer but the truth is it will be me and my food addiction. I know that even people who do everything right can end up with these diseases. I don't want to make light of that fact but the truth is for me with the family history I carry I can do everything right and still have to battle one or the other or both. So why am I helping to kill myself with food? I have no good answer.
But I do know I am now aware of my problem, and now that I know I can do something about it. So today instead of a grilled cheese I am choosing my life. Who would have thought making Linden lunch would teach me so much about me.
